A Complete 180 - October 23, 2016

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Genesis 22
Genesis 33

Intro to the service:
For the last couple of weeks, we've been talking about forgiveness—-letting go of the hurt, anger, bitterness and shame. We've heard not all relationships are ready for reconciliation. This week, our focus is on reconciliation, because even though not all relationships are ready for reconciliation, SOME are. This morning's scripture won't be read, but instead watched through a two part drama that tells the story of Jacob and Esau, the sons of Isaac...grandsons of Abraham.

A Complete 180:

• Jacob Lied, manipulated, stole, betrayed and didn't really seem to think twice about it.
• He went in full force and showed almost no remorse, until he thought, in his brother's anger, that he might get in trouble for it.
• the reality is, people are people—we do stupid things, we did selfish things, we do hurtful things, we do manipulative and sinful things. It's part of our brokenness.
• And we often hurt others in the process.
• and then we often make it worse—saying and doing things that stem from our anger or our hurt, things that are hard to undo, and words we can't unsay.
• Relationships are hard. If we truly invest, risk, share, and give of ourselves, we leave ourselves vulnerable to be hurt—intentionally and unintentionally.
• And sometimes, as people who are often selfish and self-protective, we hurt those we love.
• As we talk about reconciliation, I want to be clear about what it is not....reconciliation is not about one person doing all the work and accepting all the responsibility for making a relationship whole again.
• When I was in seminary I interned at a church and met a congregant at the MLK day march. He was kind and we both had a strong interest in issues that related to justice. So we set a day to go to lunch. I won't go into all the details, but there were plenty of flags before our meal, during our meal and on the ride back to my car. The things he said and the ways he approached me were completely inappropriate. So I did my best to stay away...but he kept calling and leaving messages. His regular message was that I was a Christian, I needed to forgive him, and we needed to be reconciled.
• This man was wrong....reconciliation wasn't my job. Reconciliation between two people requires the work of both people...to rebuild and restore trust. It can be hard. It can feel tedious. But both people have to be on board.
• We've said each week that forgiveness doesn't require reconciliation. Forgiveness is about letting go of the anger, hurt and resentment. Reconciliation is about rebuilding the relationship.
• The truth is not every relationship is ready...sometimes because one person is unwilling or unable to accept responsibility
• sometimes because the relationship is unhealthy or abusive
• Sometimes because one or both parties is unwilling to do the necessary work.
• But, just because some relationships aren't ready...some are. Sometimes we can do the work of rebuilding trust. Sometimes we can risk, little by little, to grow confident in giving of ourselves, being loved, and loving the other person as they are.
• Let us pray, God, forgiving is hard. Reconciliation is sometimes even harder. But we trust that you are at work in our relationships. Shine your light on us that we might see which of our relationships are worth the risk and ready for rebuilding and reconciliation. In Jesus' name, amen.

Anthem

Jacob and Esau reconciliation drama

• Jacob and Esau had a lot of years to work through what had happened.
• it was no quick turn around in their relationship
• at first Esau was really ticked.
• but they each did life and grew their families and when they came back to each other Jacob showed earnest repentance—he wasn't just sorry, but he was ready to do the work or make the sacrifice to make it right.
• And in that same time Esau had forgiven him—he no longer had thoughts of vengeance—he didn't try to make Jacob pay—Esau was ready to move forward
• so they both were able to come back together ready to build trust as brothers.
• ** Reconciliation takes work. It is the restoration of a relationship, it requires trusting, it requires risking after being hurt or betrayed, and it often takes a good bit of time. It requires mending the bond that was broken.
• Reconciliation requires something from both sides. It's not just about acknowledging what one has done wrong, it's about both being willing to give of themselves for the sake of the relationship. And as I said at the beginning of the service, not every relationship is ready for reconciliation, but some are.
• For Jacob and Esau, there was a lot of healing in their years apart. And then Jacob was willing to sacrifice much of what he had as penance for what he had stolen from his brother. It just so happened that Esau didn't need those things for himself, so he didn't require it, but imagine if he had been poor all those years, never able to marry or get a job because of his brother's sins—he might have been more willing to accept the offering had things gone another way. But for them, coming together and acknowledging the past with a resolve to move forward was what it took to begin the work of reconciliation.
• Jacob and Esau were able to reconcile because they were able to forgive and they were willing do risk and rebuild trust.
ACTION
(NO MUSIC—there will be 6 people making statements to help us hear what God is asking of us)
• Some relationships are ready for reconciliation. God is giving us the courage both to forgive and to risk trusting. And it can be incredibly scary to risk that kind of vulnerability, but God will help us if we are both ready. In these next few moments we want you to listen and pray for who God is telling you to reach out to—asking for or offering forgiveness and daring to risk.
• Sometimes we may know who it is, but have no idea what to say. Let's listen to how God is leading through some examples of how we might even begin the conversation.
—> 6 voices with 6 statements

"I don't know how we might rebuild our relationship, but I'm willing to try if you are."

"I know I'm sorry doesn't heal what I've done, but I am sorry and I love you."

"I'm sorry for the way I've treated you, I haven't been kind or loving and I'd like the chance to fix that."

"I miss you. I miss being us—laughing and doing life together. I know it will take a lot of work, but I miss it. I miss you."

"I'm sorry. I have a lot of things to apologize for, and I'm sorry for all of them and I'm working on changing me so I can be better to those I love."

"I'm sorry I've been holding a grudge for so long. It's been hard to let go of the past, but God has done great things in my life and is helping me to move forward."

• Pray

• the choice is ours to make.
• we can leave those relationships as they are
• or we can listen to God's leading
• offer forgiveness
• and dare to risk and rebuild trust