When I was working on my Doctor of Ministry, one of the classes I took required us to administer a survey to our congregations. I asked a number of lay people in the church to fill out the survey and then we received an assessment of the church's strengths and weaknesses. That church was small, without a lot of programs, so we scored low on things like Inspiring Worship and Holistic Small Groups. Our greatest strength was Loving Relationships. That little congregation knew how to care for each other in good times and in bad.
Not long after that assessment, the terrorists attacked the World Trade Towers and the Pentagon. The next Sunday during Joys and Concerns one man asked where the flag was. (At the back of the sanctuary.) I referred his question to the Church Council. The debate began. One man, who had openly stated he was not a believer and only came to bring his wife, insisted the flag needed to be up front. Several others were equally passionate. The lay leader, a man who had grown up in that church and often had wise input, stayed home. He felt so passionately that the flag did NOT belong up front that he feared he would say something inappropriate.
Neither side could hear the other. The vote finally was to put the flag back up in the chancel right next to the cross. The lay leader has not been back in the sanctuary since, not even for funerals of dear friends. He can't face being in there. Another woman who had opposed moving the flag attends, but keeps her eyes shut while she is there. Those who had supported having the flag in the chancel have largely died or left the church.
The church was torn in two and now, I hear, is mostly gone. Suddenly, it did not seem that we scored high on Loving Relationships at all. When a conflict brewed, few people could put the needs of others above their own.
Churches are often torn apart by conflicts. People can be downright mean to each other, whether it is over what time to hold worship, which songs to sing, or what color the carpet should be. The church can sometimes be anything but loving.
It's not a new problem. In the first century, the church faced many conflicts, from speaking in tongues to questions of leadership. One of the biggest issues was the inclusion of Gentiles. Jesus and the first disciples had all been Jewish and at first faith in Christ seemed like it was an adaptation of Judaism. Soon, however, non Jewish people began to hear about Jesus and come into the church. The church had to wrestle with how to include them. Did Gentiles have to become Jewish in order to be Christian? Much of the New Testament struggles with that question. Sometimes the struggle is explicit, as in our reading today from Acts. The Jews or circumcised believers were astounded that the Holy Spirit was poured out on Gentiles. Sometimes the struggle is implicit, not openly stated and yet underlies the verses we read. Such is the case with today's reading from the Gospel of John. Written close to the end of the first century, that early church was having significant issues with the synagogue. Christians were expelled. On top of that, they also faced persecution from the Roman Empire.
And what does John tell them? "No one has greater love than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends." Put in the mouth of Jesus just before he went to the cross, this verse speaks of Jesus' love for people like Peter and James and John, for Mary Magdalene and for Jesus' mother, Mary, and even of Judas who would betray him. Two thousand years later Jesus' words tell of his love for today's disciples, for you and for me.
"No one has greater love than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends." Yes, Jesus demonstrated the depth of God's love for us by being willing to suffer and die on our behalf. No greater love, indeed.
Before speaking these words, Jesus had knelt before his disciples and washed their feet – an unimaginable act of humility and service. It was as if the President of the United States were to scrub the toilets in a rent subsidized apartment building. Then Jesus had said, "I give you a new commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you."
In today's reading we hear an echo of those words. "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. No one has greater love than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends." Imagine what those words meant to a church torn apart by conflict? To people cast out from the place where they first learned to pray and to know God? To believers who doubted that new believers could really be with them because they were so different?
Imagine what those words say to churches today caught in the middle of some conflict, whether that is over the placement of the flag or ministering to homeless people.
A mother was making waffles for two hungry little boys. They began to squabble over who should get the first one. Mom said, "If Jesus were here, he would say, 'let my brother have the first one. I can wait.'" Five year old Kevin turn to three year old Ryan and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus."
So often we are like hungry children who can only see their own needs. We operate on the basis of our own preferences. We want someone else to make the sacrifice to prove their friendship or faith, instead of applying those words to ourselves. "Sure, I'll be like Jesus. You get the first waffle – or choose where to put the flag. "Let's risk some damage to our building by welcoming Cub Scouts and Alcoholics Anonymous and homeless people." "No one has greater love than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends."
"As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you; abide in my love." Jesus said. Left to our own devices most of us focus on our own hunger, our own opinions about what is right, our own preferences about how to do things. In our humanness we are caught up in preserving our own lives or at least our own urgent wants. It is only when we abide in Jesus that we can put the other first. Maybe you remember from last week that in John the word abide means to remain or stay or be connected to. "You did not choose me, but I chose you," Jesus said. Love within the church is possible not because of us. It is possible because Jesus chose us. It is possible because God first loved us and that love allows us to love others.
On this Mother's Day we celebrate the sacrificial love of parents, who will do anything to help their children. They stand in the rain on Saturday mornings to cheer on their kids playing soccer instead of sleeping in. They go hungry so their children can eat. They pace the floors in the middle of the night with a screaming baby. And because they love their children, those children learn to love others even to the point of letting their siblings have the first waffle. That's how it is with us. God's love for us came first and so we can love each other even in sacrificial ways.
"I have called you friends," Jesus said. Friends don't order each other around. It's not like a boss and an employee who have a clear command structure. Friends choose each other. Jesus chose us and invites us to respond to him.
The early church realized that if God sent the Holy Spirit on Gentiles then those people could be welcomed into the church and be baptized. Out of the conflict of their day the church chose to abide in Jesus' love and to bear the fruit of love.
"No one has greater love than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends." Beloved, let us love one another.